How Migration Reshapes Intimate Relationships: Change, Tension, and New Possibilities

Migration brings many visible forms of change — new languages, new systems, new expectations. Yet some of the most significant changes happen in the private world of intimate relationships. For many refugee women, partnership becomes the space where cultural expectations, gender norms, and post-migration realities collide, sometimes creating unexpected sources of strength, and at other times exposing deep tensions.

In my research with refugee women in Switzerland, intimate relationships emerged as a central part of their acculturation journeys. Their stories show that relationships can transform positively, become strained, or take on entirely new meanings as couples navigate life in a new cultural context.

When Intimate Relationships Improve After Migration

Several women described how migration opened a doorway to more equal and supportive relationships. Exposure to Swiss cultural norms — such as shared responsibility for childcare, more balanced financial decision-making, and everyday expressions of gender equality — helped reshape how partners related to one another.

For women from both Catholic and Islamic backgrounds, this shift was felt as a relief and sometimes as a revelation. Instead of reproducing rigid roles from their home countries, couples began to negotiate household responsibilities together, discuss decisions more openly, and share the emotional load of adapting to a new environment.

Women from South America spoke about developing a bicultural approach: drawing strength from their cultural roots while actively adopting aspects of the host culture that encouraged collaboration and mutual support. Their relationships became spaces where acculturation was explored jointly, rather than individually. This challenges the prevailing view in the literature that forced migration primarily strains marriages (Khawaja et al., 2012; Stewart et al., 2014). In these accounts, migration expanded possibilities rather than restricted them.

When Cultural Expectations Clash With Post-Migration Realities

Not every relationship thrived in the new environment. Some women spoke about growing tension linked to unmet expectations around gender roles. In their home countries, financial provision had typically been the husband’s responsibility. Once in Switzerland, employment barriers meant that some women needed to take on work while their husbands could not.

This reversal challenged deeply held assumptions about who “should” earn, who “should” support the family, and what a “good marriage” looked like. The frustration the women described was not simply economic — it was emotional. They spoke about the disappointment of carrying responsibilities they had not expected to have, alongside a lack of emotional understanding from their partners.

Existing research often focuses on male resistance to changing gender norms after migration (Al-Natour et al., 2019; Khawaja & Milner, 2012). These women’s accounts add a more nuanced angle: conflict can also emerge when women’s expectations of partnership are not met, especially when structural barriers place pressure on couples in ways neither partner anticipated.

When Relationship Strain Intersects With Trauma, Safety, and Autonomy

For some women with pre-migration experiences of gender-based or intimate partner violence, the post-migration period became a time to reassess the safety and viability of their relationships. Living in a context with stronger gender protections and clearer legal rights provided space to act on concerns that had long been suppressed.

Choosing to leave a relationship was described not as a failure, but as an expression of agency, dignity, and the right to live without fear. This reflects a process that I conceptualise as part of Transformative Acculturation (TA) — the use of the host environment to reconsider cultural norms, renegotiate boundaries, and reconstruct life in a way that prioritises safety and autonomy.

When Partners Adapt at Different Speeds

Another thread running through the women’s narratives was the degree of alignment between partners’ acculturation paths. Some couples approached acculturation as a shared endeavour: preserving familiar traditions while gradually adopting elements of the host culture that felt practical or meaningful.

Others experienced far more friction. Differences in language learning, work opportunities, cultural expectations, and willingness to adapt influenced how couples communicated and how they viewed their roles within the relationship. These findings echo broader research showing that misalignment in cultural expectations can shape relationship satisfaction and conflict (Khawaja & Milner, 2012).

When the Future Feels Uncertain

Uncertainty around refugee status created an additional layer of relational strain. Women from Kurdish backgrounds, in particular, described the emotional toll of living with an unresolved legal status — the inability to plan, the fear of separation, and the destabilising effect on family life. This aligns with existing research on visa insecurity and its impact on well-being (Liberatore, 2016), but the accounts in this study highlight its relational consequences as well: uncertainty eroded trust, undermined future planning, and created emotional distance.

Why Intimate Relationships Matter for Understanding Acculturation

Across all these experiences, one thing became clear: acculturation does not happen solely at the level of the individual. It moves through households, marriages, partnerships, and shared daily life.

For some women, intimate relationships became spaces of comfort, stability, and mutual growth. For others, they became sites of conflict, unmet expectations, or difficult decisions. These dynamics show that post-migration adjustment is relational as much as it is personal — shaped by cultural backgrounds, gender norms, trauma histories, and the realities of life in a new country.

Understanding this complexity is essential. It allows practitioners, policymakers, and communities to better support refugee women and their families as they navigate the intertwined challenges of safety, identity, belonging, and partnership in their new lives.